So, it’s October 2013 and I’m a new mummy. Great news, eh?
Not only have I now joined that journey of ‘Motherhood’ I am now this little rainbow baby’s Mummy!!!
Lots of mothers shared their own thoughts with me during my pregnancy, ‘enjoy those baby times as you never get them back’, ‘make sure you sleep when baby sleeps’ and ‘cherish those early years’ plus many more.
Well, after a not too positive birth experience, we arrived home after 3 days in hospital together.
I’m really sad to admit, I didn’t really enjoy the early days, weeks and months. I had all the love in the world for my new baby but I was physically and emotionally drained and to be honest all my prepared intentions of being the perfect mum went out of the window, I felt like failure.
Yes, me, the women who had just gone on maternity leave from a well-paid and demanding job of managing project targets and deadlines and now as a mum I just couldn’t cope – what was wrong with me?
All I can remember is the constant issues of not being able to breastfeed, hand expressing milk for an hour in between Thomas’ 2 hour naps, Thomas’ constant crying from 4pm – 8pm every night, me surviving on 3 hours sleep and friends using words that I had never heard of before such as colic and tongue tie to explain Thomas’ symptoms. At this point I couldn’t understand why on earth people could think I was a good mother.
I got up each day, clipped up my hair put on a brave smile and LIPSTICK, cleaned my house, washed and ironed, cooked, went out to baby groups to keep me awake, expressed milk, ate all the wrong food in cafes as Thomas napped in his pram, sat and cried and cried and cried at bedtime, but I still managed to do our little bedtime routine of cuddles and LLULLABIES! I managed to cope, but not well, and that’s all it was, coping, not enjoying those precious moments because I was too exhausted.
So, what I’m trying to say to all of the mummy readers, is ‘I’ve been there, plenty of other women have been there and if you’re at all like me, it will get better’ but please ask for support and help. You are not a failure for asking for help.
Lots of mummy love,